Hi everyone — it’s been a while since I’ve posted to my blog here. This isn’t going to be some magnificent and eloquent “comeback” post either. When I list out the reasons in my defense, I think it’ll become clear as to why:

  • January 2024: I was told I’d be laid off shortly after my last post on here.
  • March 2024: My layoff took effect, and I left my employer of 5.5+ years.
  • May 2024: I luckily secured a new (remote!) job and took myself to Bali as a treat.
  • June 2024: Started the aforementioned job; loving my new team.
  • August 2024: Moved to a beautiful place with my now ex-partner (see below), thinking that things were progressing as we’d hoped for.
  • December 2024: Up til this point, have had some arguments with my ex-partner, but thought these were par for the course for a couple moving in together. Thought we were on the same page — committed to each other — and working things out in service of a future together.
  • January 2025: Was dumped, though calling it that seems too light — it was more of a cruel “discard”. Read and watched a lot of things about attachment theory (specifically various brands of avoidant personalities), relied on many phone calls and family and friends’ support, went deep into Reddit forums (tread carefully), cried… you get the picture.
  • February 2025: Endured a mentally and emotionally grueling nearly two months having to cohabitate with my ex until I secured a new housemate for him (…I know, right?) and could get out myself.

Wow, I legitimately had to take a step away from my keyboard after getting all that out. I have no issues sharing all this on a public blog though. Partly because I’ve only painted the broad strokes and partly because, as bad and sad as it sounds, I know other people in this world have been through much worse, so I’m not special. I say that completely in a matter-of-fact way, without any bad feeling. And on the flip side, to offer another example of someone who’s been through a personal hell of some sort…and is still standing today.

What else helped me? In January, in the throes of the worst emotional pains I’ve felt since my father passed away, I was at my bathroom sink when I received an email with the subject reading “Chapter House Acceptance.” And here’s what that email said:

Body of an email informing Jennifer that her short story was accepted for publication

Talk about a shot in the arm! I’m sure I let out an excited sound of some sort. I can’t be sure because at that point in January, I don’t think I was comfortable enough authentically emoting if my ex was also at home. The fact is that my joy was overshadowed by the devastation I’d just gone through a few short weeks before. Having said that, in retrospect, I definitely wished I’d whooped and hollered.

But I continued functioning, as I had had to since I was discarded, and I submitted the materials requested by Chapter House Journal, “promoting the vision of the Institute of American Indian Arts (IAIA) Low Residency MFA in Creative Writing.” And in a week’s time, my story “Tradition” was published! I didn’t receive a notification at the time, but I went on the site myself and saw my story in all its glory. If you’re confused as to why it says “lili-xie” in the link, my guess is that it is an error. I’ve asked them about it.

I wrote “Tradition,” which incidentally is about grieving, in the “pandemic times,” sometime within 2021-2022. It was my first swing at writing a longer literary short story, and I really had to re-learn how to revise a creative work. (Spoiler alert: I am still always learning how to revise!) I had always hoped to find a home for it, and so I’m incredibly gratified that it landed somewhere thoughtful. According to their website: “All submissions are read by a dedicated staff of IAIA MFACW students and faculty advisors.” So that’s very validating and encouraging. I will never lie and say that I don’t appreciate external validation.

However, getting through this period of heartbreak has required me to work on internally validating myself, in ways ranging from the inconsequential to straight-up existential. Unsurprisingly, it’s been empowering but also exhausting. I am thankful that I’m currently in a better place than I was at the start of this year. And I can only hope that this trend continues.

Thank you for reading.