Humor Me: Customer Service Struggz

I’m currently about 30 minutes into my estimated wait time of 60 minutes to get help from FTD, a floral and gift delivery service. (Bon Jovi said it best, “Whoa, we’re halfway there, whoa-oah! Living on a prayer!”) I ordered flowers for Mother’s Day, and they were supposed to arrive yesterday. Maybe they’ll arrive today, I thought. Most unfortunately, the latest they say they can deliver is until 9pm, and in my mom’s time zone, it’s past that time.

This is the only occasion I ever need to order flowers. But needless to say, I’m wishing I just ordered something off of Amazon Prime like I usually do. I am so sorry, Prime. I forsook you, and now I’m being punished for it. I see the error of my ways. It won’t happen again. Please accept my humblest apologies.

The old, well technically, younger, me would be slamming my pantry and refrigerator doors as I scrounge for snacks to munch on while I wait. But no, I’m enlightened now after four years of higher education and a lifetime of learning social conventions. Instead I’m channeling my frustration into a creative outlet. Look, ma, no hard feelings!

I actually have some thoughtful feedback for whoever wrote the recorded messages that chime in at spaced out interludes of the calming elevator music. For some reason, it sounds like the same music that plays during the Cars ride at Disneyland. I could be delusional at this point though. Lucky for FTD, I love that ride.

“Nothing says ‘I care’ more than an FTD floral arrangement. That’s because our FTD florists put the greatest care and the freshest flowers into each beautiful design…they know that you’re not just sending flowers, you’re sending a personal message to someone very special.”

I would argue that “nothing says you care” like answering my customer service call in less than an hour. (Sorry Bon Jovi, we overshot, now we’re more than the whole way there.) Can I be someone very special, too, FTD?

“Thanks for your patience. In consideration of your time, we encourage you to visit our website at FTD.com for fast and easy online ordering. Otherwise, please hold…”

Are you kidding me? How about starting with, “Thank you for your patience. We know you have better things to do with your time, but rest assured that we’ll be assisting you shortly.” Most likely I’ve ordered from your site already, which is why I’m even on the phone right now.

“It’s easy. It’s convenient. FTD.com is here to serve you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We’re ready and waiting to assist you wherever and whenever you need to get that perfect gift. Whether you’re at home, or in the office, at 2pm, or 2am…”

I guess 24 hours a day is the average because I’ve already been holding for an hour. I just don’t understand how customer service for flowers could take this long. 🙁 Wait, do I have a better chance of my call getting answered in a reasonable amount of time if I call at 2am?


After an hour and 15 minutes, my call was ultimately answered. And then?

“Got it. Let me just put you on hold for a brief second, okay?”

Guess how many seconds it’s been?

Your thoughts?